|| PENSIVES AND MIRRORS ||
I'd put memories of my childhood in the pensive. Not only did I learn a lot growing up but I also had some amazing times. Unfortunately as time goes on, I'm forgetting more and more of the details and it was such an amazing time that I'd like to go back to it. There's something about childhood and adolescence that's just raw. It's ALL a learning experience and it's worth holding onto.
I'd probably visit the absolute best times. Okay, here's one; I was around fourteen, drunk as a skunk (don't drink kids, it's no good for you) and I was sitting on the floor of my friend E's house. He was attending to me because I'd had too much and I blurted out the fact that I was desperately in love with him. I don't remember that much but he was kneeling in front of me and holding my face and I was just in and out looking at him and laughing, crying and fumbling over my words. It was the best night of my life because it was the first and I was completely fresh and new to the world and I'm still a little bit desperately in love with the guy. He broke my heart so bad that I don't think I ever recovered and I'd not have it any other way.
I'd love to make a comfortable living through writing and maybe raise a few good kids and travel widely. I don't have that many huge wishes and I suppose that I'm trying to keep it simple but I'd just like to get to a point in life that everything isn't a struggle and I can enjoy more leisurely pursuits. I'd like to get to a point where I can do something that I love and surround myself with people that I love and not have to worry about where I'm going to get money to take care of bills in the coming month. I'm a pretty mellow sort of person unless I'm annoyed and I'd like for my life to reflect a mellow sort of attitude.
The truth is that I'm flying through life by the seat of my pants. I've always liked children (probably because in my heart, I am one myself) so I've worked in daycare centers and all kinds of schools but...I think I'd rather write for them. Okay, so here we go...in ten years I'd like to be an established author, have three of my own children, and basically be living pretty comfortably.
I think that if I looked into the Mirror of Erised at this moment in my life I'd see myself but I'd be completely at peace with myself and with the world around me. Growing up, I've often wished to be rich, or astonishingly beautiful or to have been born into another family or as someone else but with age and a little maturity I've realized that you can have everything in the world, own everything awesome that you or I can imagine and inside your head you've still got to deal with yourself. If you don't love who you are or if you don't accept who you are or your lot in life, you'll never be truly happy and that's what most of us strive for, no? So I think that the only wish that I could logically make in order to achieve true happiness would be absolute and utter peace with myself and the world that I live in. That way I could live in the gutter and still smile and love the world around me.
I'm not selfless, I'd still love for a sack of money to fall into my lap and I wouldn't mind being prettier but the mirror of erised shows the person standing in front of it their deepest desire...and mine is to be absolutely happy.
|| CHOICES SHOW WHAT WE TRULY ARE ||
Whether I'm a follower or a leader really depends on the situation at hand because it differs accordingly. I'm a strange mixture of laziness and bossiness. When a situation or cause is somehow important to me or if I feel that I can do a better job at something than someone else I'm pretty quick to lay down rules and take the lead. At work I'm often the one giving orders even though I'm no ones boss (I just like for things to run smoothly) and I was never the kind of person who followed other people just to follow. If I don't like where they're leading, I don't follow at all and I'm comfortable with going my own way. Now if I'm comfortable with the job that the other person is doing or with their ideas I tend to lay back and relax, letting them take the brunt of the work.
Truth be told a time turner just seems like way too much trouble for me. I've got more questions about the time turner than I have answers for it. One for instance is this...why is it so dire that you don't see your future self? I'm assuming that as a member of the magical world you realize that something like a time turner isn't unheard of and therefore you wouldn't go crazy because you've seen yourself running around.
But if I had one I guess I could see myself winning the lotto a lot. I'd pay attention to the drawings and go back to pick the winning numbers. Again, that takes work and patience but the payout would be worth it immediately. Unfortunately, I'm a lazy person. While in school I learned because I loved to learn and to know more than the people around me but I lack a certain drive that's needed to put everything to good use. At twenty-four I'm still twiddling my thumbs, in and out of school and unsure of what exactly it is that I'd like to do with myself. With that said, I would not say no to easy money so I could see myself cooking up schemes with the time turner in order to get rich quick. Now it isn't as if I'd like to have money for the sake of having money. I'd like to have it in abundance so that I can drift through life, experiencing different things, writing, traveling, painting without the need to make money. I guess it all comes down to the fact that I want to enjoy life but I don't want to work all that hard for it.
01. I'm a good friend. This probably has to do with the fact that once I consider you one of mine I do everything I can to look out for and take care of you. I'm pretty protective of the people that I love and I've been known to see red when other people mess with them. It's gotten me into a fair amount of trouble over the years but I literally can't help stepping up for and protecting the people that I love. When it comes to friends it's actually paid off. My closest friends are amazing and I know that they'd do anything for me and that's probably because they know that I'd do anything for them. When it comes to family...it hasn't quite paid off the same. In fact, I'm recently learning to take a step back and let them save themselves once in awhile. It's gotten to the point that they take advantage of my need to protect them and they try to push their messes on me.
02. I try to be open-minded. My father is an old school Cuban American and my mothers family is largely Indian American (Indian's from India, not American Indian) and both families are very religious and old fashioned. I was raised in a very stern environment with my parents (father especially) speaking outwardly of what he thought about everyone and everything that they were doing and how wrong most of it was. Up until a certain point in my life I believed everything that they said without question and looked down my nose at everyone. Thank God I was young enough to meet interesting people and learn a lot more about the world than just what my parents wanted me to know at that time. Now I'm so much more willing to look at the world from the eyes of other people before passing judgments in my mind. I think we've even changed my parents mind about a lot and they're now much more open to new ideas.
03. I love to laugh and to enjoy myself whenever possible. I can laugh all day and I can laugh at anything at all. I have the habit of turning everything into a joke and I realize that this can be both a positive quality and a negative quality. I'm listing it as a positive one because it keeps me young and in my opinion life shouldn't be taken too seriously, anyway. I'd be miserable if I took things too seriously all of the time. In fact, I have the habit of laughing even when I should be crying and I've had people tell me that they've noticed that humor seems like it's a security blanket.
04. I can be very confident sometimes and I like to walk around like I'm the best thing since wonder bread. Mostly I'm just putting on a show but I'm actually pretty sure of myself. It isn't in a vain sense but I'm just pretty comfortable in my skin and mind a lot of the times. That isn't to say that I don 't have my bad spells and that I don't have negative feelings about myself at times but I'm pretty happy in comparison to a lot of other people.
05. I'm a generous person. If I have something I enjoy sharing it with other people. I don't think twice about giving something and I actually enjoy doing for others or giving...whether its time, material, gifts etc. I've always been raised with the idea that you don't eat without bringing for everyone and that sort of teaching is still a big part of who I am. I enjoy feeding people and I love buying gifts for other people. (I love buying for myself too)
01. I have a hideous temper. I can be the sweetest person alive but once my buttons are pushed I skyrocket to something quite different. I have a big mouth and it gets pretty bad when I'm upset and I can rarely say no to a fight or argument. Unfortunately its always seemed that I have a lot of buttons... I'm a Taurus and they aren't lying when they say that we're bullheaded and temperamental. It's gotten me into a lot throughout my life.
02. I can be lazy and I tend to put things off until the very last possible minute. Unless it's something that interests me, I'm going to put off doing it until I absolutely have to. I was one of those students who turned in everything late, did everything the night before and got by heavily on the fact that teachers always seemed to like me. Usually I'd knock out all of my papers after the due date and just before we were about to be graded for a class. With a mixture of begging, charm and excuses and the fact that they knew that I usually knew the work (I was always very big on classroom discussion and participation) I'd always end up being allowed to bring it all in. I remember times when I literally came in on the very last day and brought in just about every essay that had been assigned during the course of that marking period. Don't do it, kids. It catches up to you. ;) Now if it was an art class of some sort or an English class, things might be a little bit different. If it didn't hold my interest, I didn't push myself to get it done.
03. Sometimes, I can be a tiny bit full of myself. I tend to believe that I'm right about everything and that no one can really do anything as well as I can. Whether that's true or not is up for debate but I have a special smirk that I use just for the moments when I'd like to tell people "Told ya so." Yes, I realize that I've just listed this as a positive and negative personality trait. It's mostly because self-confidence is something that's wonderful as long as there's a good balance. Sometimes it can become a little bit over the wall and that's why it's both a negative and a positive for me.
04. I can hold a grudge like nobodies business. Even when you think I've forgiven you, I never completely forget. I'd rather not think that it's because I'm vengeful and spiteful but instead that I like to be wise and careful with my feelings. It bothers me when people are naive and I like to keep it in mind when people do things to hurt me or piss me off. That way I'm less likely to get hurt or pissed off again in the future. In a sense, I'm just being protective of myself and my feelings. I love a lot of people and I care for them deeply but in the end, I realize that no one's going to look out for me as well as I will look out for myself...so I don't feel bad about it. Then again, I might be trying to convince myself that it's okay.
05. I'm probably a bit too self important. I tend to put my own feelings and wishes before anyone elses. Yes I can be very generous, I can be caring, I can be loyal and I do tend to get into trouble defending other people but the thing is...I do those things when they make me happy or when the other person is someone that I care about. The moment that I don't think that you're someone that I should spend my time taking care of is the moment that I stop trying to take care of you. I also have the habit of relying on myself for happiness and care. I ruin relationships (both romantic and platonic) because I can't grasp the concept that I should be able to place some trust in another person to care for and bring about my well being or happiness.
|| WE MUST UNITE INSIDE HER, OR WE'LL CRUMBLE FROM WITHIN
EVERYONE! Seriously, I'd be friends with anyone who was awesome and who I could trust. Unfortunately that seems to rule out most of the canon Slytherins we know of but I love them as well. Um, Harry...because he's a pretty cool teenager and a good guy. Also, I think he'd be a lot of fun without Voldemort running around trying to make him dead. Luna...because she's absolutely awesome and crazy in a wonderful way. I love people who can believe in anything. Fred and George because they're lots of fun and they know all about the ins and outs of Hogwarts.
Um...how about a mare. They're beautiful and wild and absolutely free. I like the idea of having a mare as a patronus because I think that it shows everything that I want to be and I'd like that sort of spirit to protect me.
I've read every book but the sixth and seventh books numerous times. The last two books I've only read once but I would have to say that the third book is my favorite. The reason that the third is my favorite is the fact that family is kind of important to me and Harry grows up not having one. Petunia, Dudley and Vernon don't count as family in my book and the third is where Harry actually meets and becomes close with Remus and Sirius. It's a true connection to Harry's past and his parents and that was really very special to me at the time.
If you want to know what a man's like, take a good look at how he treats his inferiors, not his equals. -J.K. Rowling, "Padfoot Returns," Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, 2000, spoken by the character Sirius Black.
I like this quote because it's absolutely true. I try to treat everyone the same and I think that good people...really good people...can look at anyone and see that they're a human being and that no ones really better than anyone else.
I was fourteen and Harry Potter mania was already in full swing from what I can remember. I normally try and stay away from anything that has too big a fan base but I also have this nagging curiosity that usually pushes me to investigate. I know that my little sister had been reading the first two books in school and she was in love with them by that time but besides the mania, I was fourteen and at that age when I thought I was much too cool to become a fan of yet another childrens literature series. Between her pushing the books on me, assuring me that I'd love them and my curiosity as to why everyone seemed to love the books.